Monday, March 7, 2011

Going old school today

I thought I would post something I wrote about 5 years ago. It's a bit random and spastic... I suppose 5 years doesn't change one as much as we might hope.

The Kool-Aid Man has always struck a chord with me in terms of being a standout amongst the plethora of old television commercial protagonist oddities. He is simple, yet infinitely intriguing. 

There has been a long running debate about a certain "Kool-Aid Man". The question is "If you drink the contents of the Kool-Aid Man, would he cease to exist?". Many argue that the kool-aid is his blood. That he is a pitcher.... full of kool-aid.... without the kool-aid he is just empty inside both literally and emotionally. He would cease to exist, at least on some level. He is, after all, the "Kool-Aid" Man, and therefore without the sugary red liquid substance defining his name as well as the vast majority of his identity - at least in terms of his recognizable commercial image - he would existentially cease to be the Kool-Aid Man. He would just be an empty pitcher. 

One might also ponder whether he would, as a mere empty pitcher, still have the ability to spontaneously burst through walls and proclaim his trademark, "Oh yeah!" just in the nick of time. Others stand firm in their belief that the Kool-Aid Man would still exist even without his sugary red liquid substance, because the kool-aid man is a pitcher defined by whatever he contains. Not a pitcher defining his contents. I.E.- if the Kool-Aid Man were full off Jell-O he would be the Jell-O man OR if he were full of bats he would be a Bat man. Not to be confused with the Batman. He would be a Bat man, "The Pitcher That Is Full of Bats." How does he keep the bats in, you ask? I do not know, for he would be a super hero with supernatural powers beyond our understanding.

So the pending questions of the day... Would the Kool-Aid Man cease to exist due to some eager greedy kids? What if they did empty the Kool-Aid Man but he lived? Would he still be the Kool-Aid Man, or just an empty pitcher? And would this mere empty pitcher still have the ability to spontaneously burst through walls. Is the Kool-Aid man really bat man?!... All these questions to ponder, but what of the answer.... Screw it, I'm going to bed.

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